A YEAR'S COURTSHIP

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excuse for staying at home. So I owe all of this winter's enjoyments to you, but without your love these gaieties could not have charmed me.

I know we will always be happy. The clock is striking ten.

The time has come to say adieu

I'll go to sleep and dream of you.

I shall see you tomorrow evening. Hera's torch will be gleaming again and your coming will be watched for. As expressed in Byron's beautiful words, which you quoted, good night.

Your loving,
Rose Eden

House of Representatives,
Washington, D.C.
May 2d, 1886

My Dear Daughter Rose,
Your very welcome letter of the 29th came to hand this morning. I would like to be at home even if the House was topsy turvy. After a man reaches the age of sixty he has no business to remain from home.

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But for the meanness of Moulton and some others, I would decline being a candidate for re-nomination. I am tired of the place, and will never again like it. I May make a little money out of it should I come back again, but not much.

I received Mr. Martin's letter and answered it, of which I suppose he advised you. I will feel very lonely when another one of the family leaves.

I am writing now under the shadows of Sunday evening, and my mind reverts to many happy Sundays. Even to those of youth when I had no cares, and I can hear in fancy the songs of praise in the old log church and am again surrounded by companions, most of whom have passed to the great beyond. But the place where my heart rests is at our home and with our own household. There I have always received the tenderest consideration, and each one of the family group has become interwoven in my affections in such _____, that whether they remain or go out from under the paternal roof, the tie will continue to strengthen until the last tie of earth is broken.

Belle and I went to day to the largest Catholic Church in the City. I forget the name of it, but Belle says you and Emma went to it when you were here. We are both well. I don't want you to build up any delusive hopes about the renomination. Whilst everything is as favorable in that ___ and ____ as I had any reason to expect, the contest is not over and I understand Moulton is using large amounts of money; so that I May be beaten, but I think not. I have not got my heart set on it, however, and I will have but very few regrets should I fail.

You might write oftener. Mr. Paine [?] is a good neighbor and a good citizen, but a poor politician, and will not be likely to have much effect on the contest for County Treasurer.

With much love to all. I am affectionately,

Your father and devoted friend,
John R. Eden

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glad, my dear, that you are not addicted to gossip. They (gossips) are the most despicable creatures in existence.

I am a little bit worried today and hence not able to write a very entertaining letter. I am afraid if I stay away from you for a few days you will forget that I love you as devotedly as ever. You must not think if I do not see you every evening that it is because I do not want to do so. The lady who "never heard of just such another case" probably said more than she meant. It is not our fault if other people do not love as we do.

My darling, goodbye, and May God bless you.

Sincerely and devotedly,

Yours,
Ivory

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and then try to imagine why I should wish to give up such happiness. My dear, I am yours forever in word, thought, and action, in fact all.

Yours,
Ivory J. Martin

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this morning and saw every one but you. Of course I felt a little bit disappointed; probably it was a healthy feeling. I hear the dinner bell, so must close soon.

I think, in fact I feel very sure, that I shall go home tomorrow. If I do I shall call on you sometime next week. My dear, I never attempted any kind of self-denial before that I could not accomplish with tolerable ease.

He who stems a stream with sand
Or fetters flame with flaxen band
Hath still a harder task to prove
By firm resolve to conquer love.

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we must get used to this change which is not a "change of heart", although it is hard after the many happy times we have had to resolve to give some of them up. Don't think I desire to break our resolution. Much as I wish to see you often, I know that you have your business to attend to and there are other reasons why we should not see each other so often. If it were not for the thought that there is a time coming when our "fortunes shall be better" I could not be so patient.

I am going with Mrs. Smyser to make arrangements about the S.S. Convention, and I have two lessons this afternoon. And it May be late before I get home. But don't you think you would better come to see me this evening. If you would rather come tomorrow night, then do so, and you can spend Sunday evening with me if you don't go home.

I was glad Saturday evening that we did not attend the theater for we all had a more pleasant time. I was watching you as you drove past yesterday evening and I thought you might possibly call in after you were through driving. Miss Warren of Bethany visited us over night. It is almost time for Mrs. Smyser to come for me so I must say goodbye, hoping to see you this evening or tomorrow evening.

Yours most truly,
Rose Eden

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intends to break any engagement that you May have made, but I have no fears of his being able to do so. If I thought he could I would bid him God's speed. If I thought for a moment that there was any doubt of your devotion to me or that you had any feelings toward him more tender than the ordinary feelings of friendship, of if I thought that you ever had the love for him that you profess for me, I would willingly, if not cheerfully, give you up to him. But he must know that there is nothing in your relations with me that causes you any trouble or prevents you from acting toward him just as you are prompted by your own feelings. That is all he has any right to know.

Will you allow me to draft a reply for you? Will you send me (can you trust me?) those letters. I mean the last two and others if you wish to send them. I have been bothered so much this morning that it is now after 10 o'clock and I suspect you have already gotten your mail. If when I go to the office I see your box empty, I shall send this by carrier and you can fix the letters and send by him. In such a case, of course, I shall expect only a reply of moderate length but as soon as you have time I would like for you to write me a good answer replying to everything I have said.

I have stopped since the last sentence was written to help eat a bowl of ice cream that Brosam Bros. sent up. It was delicious.

I thought I would let two sheets complete my note but I had too much to say. It May be that you will think I have said more than I should. Well, I have never kept anything from you and if you do not know me by this time it is not my fault. Yet I May have told you too much. I don't know. I have very often detected you in misunderstanding and misapplying what I have said. I don't know what misconceptions you have had that I have not discovered. My darling, you promised me once that if I ever did or said anything that had the appearance of unkindness you would call my attention to it. You must never forget to do so. And while we both deplore, in different degrees and with somewhat different motives perhaps, the occasion for our serious conversation last evening, you must not feel pained by anything I said then or in my letter this morning. I know of nothing that you have done that deserves any censure. I regret that a great many things have happened for which I blame no one in particular. I have heard of men venting their jealous rage upon women because they were loved by other men notwithstanding the fact that it was a mat-

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ter for which they were not responsible. I do not care who loves you just so you love me. And no power on earth can destroy my love for you. It might be a dangerous love if I should be crossed in its exercise but it would be no weaker. As it is I believe that it will be the influence that will lead me to attain whatever is yet possible for me in life. Unrequited it would be the motive power that would drive me to destruction and sink me into the lowest depths of misery, and plunge me again beneath the dark cloud of torture and anguish whose gloom I have so bitterly felt.

I would not say this if I thought there were any danger for I would meet my doom bravely, without a murmur. I have proved what I am able to bear. If you have ever thought for an instant you would act differently if you were entirely free, for Heaven's sake tell me and you shall be as free as I can make you. If you were to honestly tell me that you preferred anyone else, I would do all in my power to obtain for you what you thought was necessary for your happiness.

But I must finish on this sheet. Mr. Harbaugh or I May come after you to attend the lecture.

And now let me subscribe myself "your most devoted friend." Can I not use some word more endearing than he has a right to use? Yes, you are my promised wife.

God bless you.

Goodbye,
Ivory

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writing to another gentleman more than I. You are the only one whose letters I care to receive or answer.

I shall write more and explain my hesitating to tell you everything last night. I have thought all morning of writing to you, and should have written if you had not. My darling, if you can only have faith in me, but there seems to be so much against me. I know there is a great deal to explain, but I must write no more now. I shall love you always.

Yours,
Rose

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ing to see if some imaginary one failed me, I could have him. Of course, our correspondence ended until after his illness. He wrote again, and in compassion for his misfortunes I answered in a friendly way. I have told you this history and perhaps you are tired reading it, but it speaks for itself and proves the extent of my attachment for Mr. S__. I have revealed all that has been kept secret on this subject and don't know what the consequences May be, but if there is any thing that could possibly cause any trouble between you and me, you would better know it before it is too late. I leave it with you.

I know you censure me for telling you reluctantly one "of my secrets" last night. I did not wish to keep any of my own acts from you, and the only reason of my hesitating was my great aversion to speak of family affairs in a fault finding way. No one can know for I can't tell all of the circumstances that forced me to such a conclusion, which I shall not repeat on paper today, but which I acknowledged to you so reluctantly last night.

I have tried to explain, and Ivory, if you find anything in this confessional humiliating to you or anything that you cannot excuse and have confidence and faith in me again, please tell me. I wish you had not written even of the possibility of my wishing to be free or your willingness to make me so. Still if you have found me unworthy in any of my treatment of you or others, I would not want you to keep your word. I shall never try to keep you against your will. I shall keep a copy of the letter I wrote this morning to show you.

You ask God's blessing on me, but Ivory, without your love, could there be any blessing for me? Then remember what those words mean, "God bless you," for all of the happiness I ever hope to have rests with you.

Good bye. I hope I did not misunderstand any of your letter. You have a right to know all you ask and I desire to tell you everything.

Good bye again, from one whose promises to you are the source of great happiness, and the chains that bind us have a precious golden lock and the key is lost, I hope.

Yours faithfully,
Rose Eden

It will be agreeable if you or Mr. Harbaugh call to escort me to the lecture.

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that it seems almost like a dream, that you questioned me rather mysteriously one evening to know if my love was strong enough that it could not be destroyed by anything I might find out about you. I thought then it was simply an idle question, but I know, now, what you meant. Do you remember the answer I gave you? If I had remembered the circumstances last night, I would not have been shocked by the thought that you would have inveigled me into a marriage before revealing something that you thought might make me unhappy. Will you pardon me for entertaining such a thought even for a moment.

And now let me beseech you to waste no more thoughts on the past, however much you and I May regret some things that have taken place. There are enough pleasant things in the past for you and me to occupy our moments of reflection, and we need have no fears of the future. I cannot believe that this cup of bliss that we have only tasted will be dashed from our lips before we have enjoyed its full measure of happiness.

And my darling, let me subscribe myself again, your most devoted friend no matter what pretensions others May make.

Ivory J. Martin

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fact of your having thought of that in your dream assures me that you do realize it to some extent.

I was deeply impressed with the suddenness of your question Thursday evening in regard to my waiting to reveal my secret, but you need not ask pardon for entertaining that thought. It is certainly granted, and was before you asked it. Yes, you understand now my earnestness in questioning you about permitting anything to destroy our happiness. I knew this must sometime be revealed to you, and indeed dreaded the possibility of others telling you. At one time I was convinced you had been informed of it, and felt my hopes slipping away, believing you could not forgive my secrecy. But I put off the evil day living in the brightness of the present and really forgetting often that it was your right to know the truth, forgetting everything but my present happiness. And indeed, I never have put as much importance on that chapter of my life as I should. I never believed that that agreement was sealed in the right spirit of devotion, not that I could easily forgive myself for my part of it, or think of it lightly.

But no regrets have ever been strong enough to make me willing to again go back to such an uncertain, restless existence. I have not much more space. When shall I see you? tonight? Good bye.

Rose

Elder Griffith wrote this morning requesting me to play for him Sunday evening, and I promised. So you would better come this evening.

Yours
Rose

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all right in the meantime. He told me about visiting Emma's school and complimented her very highly on her executive ability. I fancy if I were teaching school I should be delighted with such visitors.

Miss Lowe has just been here. Mrs. Smyser called on me this morning in the interest of some kind or class of people who are likely to need some "loaves and fishes." She said that you and she were canvassing this district. I suppose it was all an oversight that she called instead of allowing you to do so. She promised to send some very agreeable parties to the hotel on my account. Allow me to suggest that they send you and Miss Floyd. I am very much afraid if I attempt to fill this sheet that I will not get the note in the office in time for you to read it this evening, but I do not want to pay postage on blank paper. I have got your last splendid letter in my pocket and of course cannot pretend to answer it. I shall read it again and if there are any parts that require an answer, I will notice them in my next.

My dear, when I think of the happy evenings that we have spent together it seems hard to have to spend so many alone. But then I am not complaining for I know that it is best. But I must get this in the office. Of course you will not forget to write to me often. My darling, I am your obedient lover.

Ivory J. Martin

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your thoughts are at the present moment, whether they are about me and if so just what their nature is; whether you ever carefully balance my merits with those of other admirers. If I had complete control of my thoughts I would forever banish this last one. As it is, I try to regard it as only a trifling fancy. After all, I do not know but that there is a pleasing fascination about uncertainty.

Not that I could be happy a moment if I doubted your sincerity or truth, or could doubt your love after you had confessed it; but I remember that last summer a few weeks later in the season than this, when I first realized the necessity of either restraining or indulging my affections, and when I had no reason to believe that my love could be returned, I derived a great deal of pleasure simply from my dreams. And then I had so much time for my reveries as I did not meet you oftener than about once in two weeks. I was then a regular attendant at the "Christian" church. It was not Ed Kellar's sermons alone that attracted me. If it had not been that my heroine was there I would have heard but very few of the sermons.

I remember one evening you were not there. I had hoped to see you though I knew that if you came you would come with Mr. Snapp. I had been told by that gentleman that he was going to call on you immediately after the Methodist Sunday School. When you did not go to church, I knew that he was spending the evening with you at home. The thought almost maddened me and I never passed an evening at church or anywhere else in more extreme mental torture. I had nerved myself for the trial of seeing you walk into church together, but when I thought that, after you had spent a good portion of the afternoon together, you could not spare the time to go to church in the evening, it was more than I could bear with a calm spirit. Besides I was confident that he had come to Sullivan upon your invitation. I concluded that it was foolish for me to waste any more thoughts about you and I felt thankful that I had my eyes opened so soon. I decided that I would go with you just once more and then quit. Mr. Snapp told me that he was coming back in just about two weeks.

Two weeks from the day he came to Sullivan, we had our second picnic. I fixed the date myself and hit his date exactly. I was asked by members of our party to join in the general change of partners but I declined to do so. You sent Mr. Snapp word not to come at that time and so he did not come at all. I was sufficiently encouraged that day to

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enable me to determine on going with you a few more times, and when Mr. Snapp failed to make his appearance at all I concluded to keep on until he did make his advent. But before you and he had made up your quarrel, I had made up enough courage to try my fortune, and when the gentleman woke up to a realization of his danger, his wife was gone.

My dear, you must pardon me for some extravagance in the preceding sentence for I do not look upon your promises to him as being any more binding than you considered them yourself. Certainly no promise, no matter how earnestly made, is sufficient to compel a woman to marry a man whom she feels that she does not love. Love is the only thing that can make a marriage promise valid or binding. If I thought you did not love me, I would not wait for you to dismiss me. I have told you that I would consider it a favor for any one, who could do so by fair means, to alienate your affections before marriage. I feel safe in saying this while I know there is no danger. I said on the first page of this letter that uncertainty is fascinating but, my darling, it is far better to know, as I do, that you are safely and willingly mine. Others May have all the pleasure they can derive from the excitement of pursuit. I will be contented with the joys furnished by the calmness of the certainty of possession. As "J.N." says: "It is all right, it's lighter now."

But I must close or begin on another sheet. I realize that I have not said anything very interesting but it will have to answer for a letter. Now, my dear, you must be good, loving, and contented until I see you.

I am devotedly yours,
Ivory J. Martin

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Thursday, but perhaps you will not let me see his letter. I know you would not show him mine and it is very presumptuous for me to expect to see his. But then I remember that I have several advantages that he does not enjoy. I very often allow a feeling of triumph to overcome my other feelings. As long as I know that you are certainly mine, I need not waste any thoughts on the fortunes of others, especially those who could be made happy only by accomplishing my misery. I am very philosophic and all that, but I cannot sacrifice so much to promote the happiness of others, especially when I think it would wreck your happiness as well as mine. You need have no fears of my ever doing so.

Now, I must say goodbye again. What a familiar word that is becoming. But then it is a sweet love-token, even if it does convey the idea of separation. I can never regard anything bitterly that makes me think of you. Even the thought of my would-be rival brings a feeling of pleasure for that reason, but I confess the thought of you more often brings the memory of him.

My darling, I am,

Yours,
Ivory

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panied by a reasonable hope, but I think your pleasure last summer was from dreaming, and first awakening to the knowledge of our love for each other.

I remember too the evening I was not at church, and it was because of you that I remained away. Having accepted your company a short time before, I was determined not to appear at church with Mr. Snapp. We spent the evening at Mrs. Dr. Porter's. In the afternoon Mr. S. called and remained a short time, to make arrangements for the evening. No, I knew nothing of his coming that time, and you are mistaken about my sending him word not to return in two weeks. The first I heard of that was when you told me as we came home from the picnic. I don't remember writing to him after he was here until after he left Normal. I never suspected that you were thinking of the possibility of Mr. S. returning during those happy days we were having drives and picnics and church sociables, etc. Our good angels must have prompted you to go once more (and quit) knowing that you would not quit but go on a few more times, and then oftener, and after a while only once a week!!!

My darling, how I would love to see you tonight, but it is getting late and my eyes are heavy, and I shall wait contentedly until Thursday. If I receive a letter from the north, I wish you to read it. But none has yet arrived.

Ella has called on you again, has she? Well, Sam Pat. walked home with me and spent a half hour here, which is more than you would do so early in the afternoon. I did not know that you were in our district. Col. Smyser says the young men ought to get married so they would not be obliged to send their delegates to the hotel. But I think you are about the only one who has been to entertain the people. I must say good night.

Yours most devotedly,
Rose Eden

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night, not having gone to sleep until half past 2, that if I were feeling all right otherwise tonight, loss of sleep would be sufficient to prevent my spending the evening with you.

I hope you will excuse me until some time when I am able to come. I May come tomorrow evening, perhaps not till Saturday, and possibly not then. Do not light the lamp for me until I come, as I should not be charged with a visit I do not make. When I see you I can tell you things I dare not write. Until then, I beseech you not to trouble yourself about my condition.

My dear, I am devotedly,

Yours,
I.J. Martin

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tion I have been obliged to write you these letters at as many different times. Then I feel that it is a crime for me after spending so many years, self-banished from society, to re-enter it only for the purpose of capturing the dearest creature in its folds and dragging her down to my own narrow, selfish existence.

It is no wonder (is it?) that in such moods I have not dared to write honest letters! I felt each time (except the first, when I could not see a ray of hope) that if I could keep silent a few days, it would all pass away and you would never know that any thing had gone wrong. I could explain to you how the party the other evening first excited my jealousy--a mean, unmanly, thought that regretted you enjoying any pleasure from which I was excluded. I think, however, that if I had not been intentionally left out, I could have endured it better. Then how I felt that such a jealousy was unworthy of me in which mood I wrote you yesterday morning; then how the same unworthy feeling was renewed yesterday afternoon when I learned that you had not thought of me when the arrangements for the picnic were made. That damnable feeling was the cause of all my apparent cruelty yesterday, cruelty to myself as well as to you for I thought for awhile that what I said only served to awake your resentment while it was wounding and lacerating me almost beyond endurance.

I don't know what your feeling in the matter is now. I only know mine. My remorseful mood yesterday evening would have served, as similar ones have done heretofore, in making me want to keep out of your company, if I had not made you feel the force of my jealousy. That fact made me want to see you and repair to some extent the results of our drive. (I just now saw you come across from Mr. Hoke's and had the benefit of the use of my glass.) While I regret seeing you in the afternoon, I am glad I went back last night. And I believe now since you know the cause of my trouble that I will not let any kind of mood keep me from you. If at any time my jealous thoughts cause you any trouble, you May feel satisfied that my own remorse will give you all the revenge you could have the heart to ask.

Oh! see the mind remorse hath riven
Unfit for earth, undoomed for heaven
Darkness above, despair beneath
Within it flame, around it death!

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